Deepest Wounds
by Viriel
Summary: Well, this is my version of what might have happened after Shuichi got attacked by Aizawa. Please tell me if I should continue this. After all this is just one chapter.
1. Nowhere to go

**Title:** Deepest wounds  
**Author: **Viriel  
**Pairing:** Yuki/Shuichi (What'd you expect?)  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warnings:** Slight Yaoi, not much lemon at all... "Gasp! How could you?!"  
**Spoilers:** Episode 7 of the anime. Aizawa's attack on Shuichi.  
**Disclaimers:** I don't own this series despite how much I'd love to. The credits goes to the wonderful Maki Murakami-sama and all those folks making the anime. So no need to sue me. It won't help 'cuz I'm broke too. I'm just playing with the boys.

Please send C&C to 

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Chapter 1

The knife glided easily down his arm. Slowly, blood began to pour out and he watched it as it dripped down in the sink in front of him. Shuichi tried to forget that night and what those filthy men did to him. The ones that Aizawa hired. And Yuki... it would be better for the writer if he would be free of the upbeat nature that the singer held... he was always making Yuki mad at him.

"Maybe, I'll... go away..." he said silently to himself as he cutted another wound. He cut along his arm, not across it, as he had done before. Cutting along was fatal, he knew that. His eyes started to blur toghether and he became dizzy from the loss of blood. He let it all shower over him like a waterfall.

"SHUICHI!! How long are you going to occupy the bathroom!?" Yuki's slightly irritated voice reached him from outside, but Shuichi couldn't answer. He opened his mouth, but only a faint whisper entered the air.

"Gomen ne, Yu..." hazily, he realized how he collapsed to the floor. But it didn't matter. When darkness came over him, he welcomed it as he fainted.

Yuki sighed angrily. 'For exactly how long was his baka for a lover going to stay in there?' He thought as he knocked forcefully on the door again.

"Hey! Moron! Come out now!"

There was no answer. Not a sound could be heard from the other side other than a short 'thud'. Then it became silent again. Nothing...

"Shuichi? What are you doing?" Yuki asked with a much nicer voice. Still no answer.

"What the hell!? What IS he doing?" the writer asked himself.

"Oi! Brat! I'm gonna kick the door if you don't come out in five seconds!!" he yelled. "I'm not joking!" he added a short while after when there was still no activity whatsoever from the door.

So... he did what he had been threatening. He kicked it. The lock broke and the door flew open.

"You know, Shuichi, I'm gonna have to make you pay for that do...." he became silent at the sight of the scene before him. On the floor lay the immobile figure of Shuichi. Blood was smeared out all over his arms and orange t-shirt. His face was pale, his eyes shut.

"Shuichi?!" Yuki was by the singer's side in an instant, scooping the boy up in his arms. "Shuichi... What have you done?" Yuki looked around and discovered the bloodstained knife on the floor. "You... no way..." he said silently with a trembling voice. He rose to his feet, his lover in his arms.

Without a word he carried the boy to the bedroom and put him down on the bed. He left and returned with a medkit.

"You little stupid idiot!" Yuki said worriedly as he cleaned the wounds and bandaged them. "Got to get you to the hospital now."

Shuichi was still unconcious and he didn't look like he was going to come by. Yuki felt suddenly how the back of his eyes started to sting. Tears threatened to fill his eyes and he took a deep breath.

"Why... did you do it, Shuichi?" he asked in a whisper. He took the boy up in his arms again, cradling him to his chest, and walked out of the appartement.

Carefully, he lay the singer down in the backseat of his car and closed the door. He was just about get into the front seat himself when Hiro came in on his motorcycle.

"Ohayou, Yuki-san," Hiro greeted him. "Have Shuichi left yet? He's late and we are going to..."

"Would you please come with me?" Yuki interuppted and opened the opposite door from his seat.

"Nani? What for?" Hiro got off his bike.

"Just get in. You'll know in a minute." Yuki turned the carkey in the lock and started the engine. Hiro slowly walked up to the passenger side. When he had just seated down and closed the door he asked again.

"What is it? And where is Shuichi?"

Without a word, Yuki gave an almost unnoticeable movement backwards with his hand.

"Hm?" Hiro turned and looked in the backseat. "Nan.. SHUICHI?!" he turned back to Yuki with a terrified face. "What happened, Yuki-san?"

Yuki gritted his teeth in anger and worry.

"The little idiot locked himself up in the bathroom and tried to commit suicide," he let out a sigh that was filled with all kinds of confused emotions, sadness and fury alike. "I should never have left him alone... not after that incident..." Yuki's voice trailed off into silent thoughts inside his head.

Hiro nodded to himself at those words. When Shuichi was attacked by Aizawa and... He didn't want to think about it.

_Ten minutes later, at the hospital _

"How is it?" Hiro asked the doctor.

"Hm... there is a serious bloodloss. We must transplant more blood to him. But..."

"But? But what?" Hiro's voice became upset. The doctor looked nervous.

"We currently don't have that blood in stock. We are getting in more tomorrow... but I don't know if he'll make the night," the doc exclaimed.

"You don't know if he'll MAKE IT?!" Hiro grabbed the frightened doctor by the shirt collar and almost lifted him off the floor.

"Nakano-kun! I would advise you to calm down," a familiar voice spoke as Hiro could feel a gun point at his backhead. Hiro let go of the doctor immidiately. He let out a small huff of helplessness.

"Then... what are we going to do? What?! Do you have any suggestions, K-san?" he turned around with an angry scowl at the manager.

"Well, to begin with... don't hurt the doctor," K said in an almost cheery way. Hiro's face twisted in anger.

"I don't see anything funny in this."

"No problem. Something good can come of this too," K said and made the peace sign. Hiro stared at the man in disbelief for a second. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. Then he snapped.

"I'm going," he said shortly and stormed past the longhaired man. He didn't even say hello to Fujisaki who came running through the corridor.

"K-san!" Fujisaki yelled, his voice tipped with confusion. "What happened?! Where is Shuichi? Seguchi-san called me and told me to get over here. Is something wrong?"

Yuki, who had been sitting silently in a chair by the wall looked up.

"What did you say? Seguchi called you?" he sounded slightly suspicious. Fujisaki turned to face him.

"Yes, he said that something terrible has happened and told me to get to the hospital at once. What HAS happened?" he turned back to K again with the last sentence.

Yuki didn't bother himself to sit down anymore and listen to K's talking. Instead he rose to his feet and hurried for the door. He intended to pay his brother-in-law a little visit. On his way out he could hear Fujisaki's horrified gasp and yelling on the news of Shuichi.

_At the studio, company-president Seguchi's office_

Seguchi Tohma sat with his hands folded in front of him. It was not without concern that he thought of Shuichi. But the singer's current actions had been totally idiotic. Tohma had never liked the pinkhaired boy's relationship with Eiri. And this was not a good sign. The boy was no good for the writer.

The president sighed slightly and rested his forehead on his hands.

"Not good..." he said silently to no one in particular.

It knocked on the door. He looked up. 'It probably is Sakano-san.' He said to himself and said:

"Come in."

It was not Sakano.

Hiro almost ran forward to his desk. His face was red of anger.

"President! Do you know what has happened?" he asked, resting his hands on the desk. Tohma looked up with a serious face.

"Yes. I know. What to it?" Hiro stared at him in disbelief. How could he be so cold? The president sat with his hands still folded and stared right back into his eyes, his face expressionless.

"Do you know that he'll maybe won't live?" Hiro asked and lowered his face to the floor.

For once, that was something that Tohma didn't know. He let out a small gasp and lowered his hands to the wodden desk.

"What did you say?" he said with a slightly trembling voice.

"Excactly what you heard," a new voice said from the door. Both Hiro and Tohma looked up. Yuki was leaned back against the doorframe and he didn't look very happy.

"Eiri-san! What ar..." He didn't get any longer as Yuki had minimized the distance between them to about one meter.

"I really hope that you are not involved in this, Seguchi..." he said in a slow and threatening voice. Tohma stared back at Yuki with an expressionless face.

"Eiri-san, you know that boy is no good for you. Perhaps you shou..."

"Don't come and think that you can decide my life for me, 'Onii-san'," Yuki interuppted in a cold voice. Tohma got a perplexed look on his face.

"I'm not... but I want you to know that I care for your welfare. And I don't think that it is in the best conditi..." he stopped abruptly when Yuki turned and started to walk to the door.

"Don't make yourself promises that you can't keep, little man. It might as well be fatal," he said icily as he walked out the room and closed the door hard behind him.

Hiro looked from the president to the door and back again.

"I think I'll be going now..." he said silently. As he went for the door he felt a hand at his shoulder.

"You're going back to the hospital?" Tohma asked. Hiro nodded and continued out, shaking off the hand.

"I'm going with you," Tohma said, following the guitarist out. He closed and locked the door after them.


	2. Results

Deepest Wounds 

_Aah, gomen!** comes running and hands over papers** It took such a long time but now I'm finally done with chap 2!! I hope you will like it. I brought in Ryuichi in the mess too, of course I couldn't leave my fav chara "outside in the rain." **smiles** _

_I think I have all the charas here except for a few. Ayaka-chan is not here, for example, I didn't think that far. But anyway, no fluff or anything in this chappie, just sadness and anger, mixed with idiotic charas ideas. (I don't like my own version of K...) _

_Please review, much ideas comes from that. And if you find any spelling faults here, point them out with care. I have a lousy compy that doesn't have a working spellingcheck, so this may be a little weird. (I think I got some timeline wrong here too. I don't really remember when Yuki is crying in the anime. Is it after of before Shuichi is attacked?) Oo; I think I'm just going to drop the idea of this being exactly after ep. 7. Let's say this takes place after the part where Yuki announces his relationship with Shuichi to the press._

_Also, if you have any ideas on a continuation, you are free to add them. I am writing on chapter 3 now, but I got a minor writers block and it is very irritating. _

_So, again, C&C and reviews are much welcome._

**Chapter 2**

Yuki was zooning out in front of his computer.

After he had flung the meaning of his of his thoughts in the face of his brother-in-law, he had gone straight home. He intended to get more writing done.

But his mind was blank from the absense of idéas. He had no inspiration at all. It was... so silent... almost too silent...

He looked over to the small couch in his writing room. It was empty, he noticed curiously. Then, memories came flooding back to him and he stared hazily at the furniture.

Shuichi used to lie sprawled out on it, whining about Yuki being boring.

'Could it possibly be...?' he thought for himself, '... that I miss him? That he is cause of my inspiration?' Angrily, he shaked his head and then rested his face in the palms of his hands.

Without removing his hands from his face he let tears wet his fingers. For the second time since he met Shuichi he was crying. Not yet moving his hands away, he sobbed into the depressing silence of the room.

Hiro walked, silently frowning, alongside Tohma through the hospital entrance. The first person they saw, barking at them, was a hysterical Sakano-san. His face was a show of total distress and anger, mixed with his usual nervousness.

"President-sama!" he yelled at the sight of Tohma. "I'm so sorry that this happened,"

almost shrieked. "Please don't blame the band and withdraw your support and your..." he stopped in midsentence, shaking in fear, as Tohma put up his hands in an attempt to stop the producer's ongoing fast talking.

"Sakano-san! I have no intention of doing that," he sid in a calm voice. "However..." he then added, when seeing Sakano's relieved face. "That doesn't mean I'm going to let you off the hook so easily."

Sakano's smile faded and he slowly sank to the floor. Hiro shook his head and walked past the melted producer aiming for the elevator. Tohma followed him with a amused smile down at Sakano. As the doors closed, they could still hear Sakano's drifted of blabbering.

"I wouldn't be surprised if the hospital personal found it fitting to put Sakano-san on intensive care too," Tohma said, chuckling. Hiro tried to ignore him as a vein popped on his head. Instead, he managed to focus his attention on an interesting dot on the wall.

_The intensive care floor_

"Seguchi-san?!" a surprised voice, belonging to Fujisaki, called out. The young keyboardist came running towards them. Tohma stepped out of the elevator as his cousin stopped before them.

"Fujisaki-kun, it's good that you are here. K too?" Tohma looked over Fujisaki's shoulder at the manager who was still wielding his gun. Several nurses gave K nervous glances because of that.

"President! How good of you to come," K said and flashed his 'I'm-so-cool-and-great-PEACE!' – smile.

Tohma ignored the crazy american and instead he turned to a doctor that emerged from a side corridor.

"Excuse me, where is Shuichi Shindou? The boy who came in with a blood-loss today?" he asked politely.

The doctor pointed down the hall.

"Oh, he is in room 458. You walk straight down here and then you turn to the first left corridor. It's the fourth door on your right," he turned back to Tohma again. "But I'm afraid that you can't talk to him. We still haven't been able to wake him. He seems to be in a comatose." The doctor continued his walk into another corridor.

Hiro stared after the doctor. 'A comatose?? That couldn't be right! Not Shuichi... that just wasn't Shuichi... It couldn't be!'

Tohma nodded and started walking down to room 458, everybody following him.

As they opened the door a girl with a brown pigtail was on her way out. She looked like she just had beeng crying.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" she excused herself when she bumped into Tohma's surprised form. She then looked at them all, wondering. "Are you all here to see Nii-san? Ah, Hiro-kun!" she forced a smile to the longhaired guitarist.

"Maiko-chan. Yes, we are here for Shuichi. Are you alright?" Hiro said, looking at her serioulsy.

"Yes, I'm ok.. It's just that.." she sobbed a little. "I just hope that he gets well. Well, I'll see you later. I'm going to get something to eat," she dried here eyes and walked away. After she'd disappeared they went inside room 458. As it was a single room, there was only one bed by the window. Shuichi's lifeless form lay there and the expression on his face was a bit pained, as if he had a nightmare.

"Shuichi..." Hiro stared at his best friend with a devastated face. Heavilly, he sat down on a chair by the wall opposite the bed. It felt so unnatural to be in the same room as a Shuichi that wasn't singing, being happy or irritating everybody with his overenergic personality.

Even K didn't for once didn't say anything disturbing.

"Shindou-kun... why?" Fujisaki said silently with a worried voice.

"Maybe.. I was wrong. But Eiri-san wont do well with you," Everybody turned to stare at Tohma who now was speaking. "I hope that you get better soon," the Nittle Grasper Keyboardist said to the pinkhaired singer as if he could hear him. "But when you wake, I will not allow..."

"You mean, IF he'll awake," A new voice interruppted.

"Tatshua-kun!" called out when seeing the person just entering the room. "What are you doing here?"

"Why, to visit Shuichi-kun, of course! What did you expect?!" Tatshua said, offended.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Hey, no hard feelings," Tatshua smiled. "It's no big deal actually, I care about Shuichi-kun... eh?"

"Shuuuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiiichiiiiiiiiiiii!!!" A high squeal was heard as a mass of green and black stormed past everyone to stop at Shuichi's bed. Tohma gasped surprised at the sight.

"Ryuichi-kun!?"

Sakuma Ryuichi had put on a puppy-face and was now staring down at his "best friend", (Well, not counting in Kumaguro here. ), with worried eyes.

Fujisaki gave Tatshua a glare and the monk vissled into the air. All of a sudden, Noriko came into the room, huffing from a running.

"Sorry, I couldn't stop him," she said, supporting herself on the doorframe. "Eh... Tohma? Are YOU here?" she suddenly had got the sight of the Nittle Grasper member.

The blonde blinked, looking at Noriko.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He asked, wondering.

"Eh, well, there is a commotion down at the studio, I thougth you were there to sort it out," she said, looking serious.

"A commotion? I didn't know that. What is happening?" Tohma said, surprised.

"Somehow, this has leaked to the press, and there is a load of journalists and fans, literally attacking the building. I managed to sneak away from it. They are probably visiting Yuki-san too."

Tohma twitched at that.

"Eiri-san..." was the last words they all heard before Tohma was gone out the door in a hurry.

"There he goes..." Tatshua said with a smirk. "I just wonder what will make my brother most irritated, Seguchi or the press..." he chuckled into his hand.

Suguru stared at him.

"You... can't be serious...? This is not a time to be LAUGHING!!" he yelled and hit Tatshua in the head with a book.

The blackhaired monk stopped abruptly and sweatdropped.

"Sorry..." he looked over at the comatose patient. "I just hope that he will get well soon..."

"Yes... this is highly unnatural... it gives me the creeps," K said and recieved an angry glare from Noriko. Hiro just sat and stared at the floor, not saying anything.

"Shuuichiii... get better, na no da!" Ryuichi exclaimed and hugged Kumaguro tightly before placing the fluffy pink bunny in the pinkhaired singers immobile arms. "Kumaguro will stay with you. Make you all better, na no daa!" He simply said and then he turned and walked away. Hiro watched him go out of the room with amazed eyes. He then rose to his feet and followed Ryuichi's example, ignoring the others who were now all looking at Shuichi and silently speaking to each other.

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_So, what do you think? I added some humor in this, maybe not a very good idea... and I actually don't think that this chapter is so interesting... it doesn't happen anything!! Oo The first one was much better. _

_Thank you all who reviewed on the first chapter!! It helped a lot! **waves** _

_Anyway, I think that next chappie will contain fluff.** grins** I'm not sure.. or maybe the chappie after that._

_**-------**_

_**Tatshua:** Why'd you make Ryuichi go away so fast?! I couldn't find him again! Oh, I wish I was sick so Ryuichi would visit me... **whines** _

_**Viriel:** Oh, shut up. You can't just keep him to yourself. Besides, I'll let Ryu-chan do what he wants. This is NOT a Tatshua x Ryuichi fic. I'm not exposing poor Ryu-chan to such a horrible thing. _

_**Tatshua:** **takes out Viriel voodoo-doll** Grr... Take this! **stabs the doll with a needle **_

_**Viriel:** Huh? **stares** You've got to be kidding. What are you supposed to accomplish?_

_**Tatshua:** **pale face** It... doesn't.. work? Aaaah, you are Yuki in disguise! **runs away**_

_**Viriel:** **sweatdrop** And...? Oh, well... **picks up pen and paper** Alrighty, back to the writing._

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	3. Rest and Dream

**Chapter 3**

"Ryuichi-san, wait!" Hiro came walking up beside Ryuichi.

"Hiro-kun? Nani, na no da?" The genki singer asked calmly, tilting his head at the longhaired boy. Hiro took a deep breath.

"Aren't you worried about Shuichi? I mean, maybe he won't be well..." Hiro stopped in his tracks and leaned at the wall.

Ryuichi looked at him for a short while before answering.

"No worry, na no da. Shuichi will be all better, Hiro-kun," Ryuichi smiled at the guitarist.

"How can you be so sure?" Hiro asked him looking down at the floor again. "They said that..."

"Shuichi will get better, because he has people he likes, na no da. And we will miss him if he goes away, na no da. Don't be sad, Hiro-kun, it makes the air sad. I know that I will be able to sing together with Shuichi again, na no da. Aah, I can't wait, it's so fun, na no daaa!" Ryuichi walked away, happily singing and whistling.

Hiro sunk to the floor and gave a faint smile.

"Maybe he is right... I worry too much," he stared up in the sealing. "But you know, Shuichi, then you will have to hurry... I really want to get back playing in the band with you. I really do."

Yuki Eiri was having a hard time. Just a few minutes ago, he had been sitting at the couch, hiding his head in his hands and trying to calm down from the still remaining shock.

Now, he was wondering why he hadn't locked the door, and why he even answered the knocking.

His whole living room had been suddenly filled up with annoying people, giving annoying questions. Now, he almost had enough.

"GET OUT FROM MY HOUSE!" He yelled, trembling with fury while trying to suppress the tears that threatened to fill his eyes. He was tired and worried and so heartbroken that he felt like he was going to faint any moment.

"Yuki-san, how is it, how are you feeling at this very moment. Shuichi Shindou maybe won't live. What is your reaction?" an especially irritating male reporter asked, almost muffling the microphone into Yuki's mouth. "Did you ever have this experience before, like, in your childhood?" The man continued.

Yuki froze and stared at the journalists. The man had certainly pressed the wrong button. The writer didn't listen at all to the protests from the man when he grabbed him by the shirt-collar, opened the door and threw him out. He gave a murdering glare to the rest of the press people, who was so surprised and shocked by his action that they left right away without any more words.

Just when the blonde writer had closed the door and locked it tightly, a new knock was heard.

"I thought I told you TO GET AWA..." he silenced when he saw who it was. "Oh, it's you..." he left the door open and walked over to the couch.

Tohma silently stepped inside and closed the door after him.

"Eiri-san... daijoubou?" He asked worriedly. "I thought I would make it in time before they came but..."

"They asked about my childhood..." Yuki said silently, lighting a cigarette. Tohma stared at him.

"They... did WHAT?" He yelled, for the first time in the whole day. "Masaka! Did you tell them any..."

"OF COURSE I DIDN'T!" Yuki shouted angrily, gripping his lighter hard in his hand. "Of course I... didn't... I..." he hid his face in his hands. "I... just can't bear it..." he sobbed and dropped the cigarette to the floor.

Tohma hastily crouched in front of the novelist and took his hand.

"Eiri-san, I have told you. That boy is only trouble and despair for you, you should really think it over... you can't be around him, it's not good..." Tohma silenced when he saw the look on Yuki's face. Then writers face was white of despise and he stared down at his brother in law. He shook of Tohma's hand as if it was contagious.

"How... how dare you! You... go, just... go away. Get out of my house... NOW!" He rose and pointed at the door.

"Eiri-san, please..."

"Get out. Before I do something I'll regret..."

Tohma turned without a word and left.

Yuki stared after him as the door shut. He then sat down on the sofa, leaned backwards and let out a pained sigh. For the second time that day, he felt how his cheeks became wet of tears. He put his hand over his mouth and sobbed quietly.

"Why…? Why did you… do it, Shuichi? Why, Shuichi…" as his tears streaked his face, he felt how tired he was, and without stopping it, he let sleep take over him.

Shuichi was staring at him, his face dripping with blood. He was crying, but his tears were not water, but blood!

_Yuki took some steps forward against the pink haired boy, but he didn't come any closer. He reached out with his hand, and he saw how Shuichi reached out for him. _

"_Yuki…" the voice was as a whisper, weak and weary. "Yuki, don't go… tasukete!" the last word came of the singers lips in a wail of sadness and he slowly began to fade away. _

_Yuki leaped forward to no use, he still couldn't reach his love. _

"_Shuichi! Wait! Shuichi!"_

Yuki found himself on the floor in a very uncomfortable position. He had fallen off the sofa as a result of his nightmare.

It surprised him that the dream had affected him so much. He hadn't been waking up like that for a long time. It was just that time after "he" had…

But before he latched his memory on his painful past, Yuki shook his head and stood up straight. He was NOT going to let Shuichi slip away that easily from life. He had a job to do, and more, he had someone that didn't tolerate him sneaking of. Even if it was from life this time.

Suddenly, his door was kicked open.

"Oi! Nii-san! You here?" Tatshua's voice yelled. The black haired monk was making his way into the living room where his head met the painful back of one of Yuki's books.

"What. Are. You. Doing. Here?" Yuki's voice held an unspoken threat as he lifted his hand with the book away from Tatshua. Tatshua sweatdropped and turned his head slowly, only to see a pair of murderous eyes.

"Erhm… I just thought…"

"That I'd be sitting, sobbing and pity myself?" Yuki said icily, carefully hiding the fact that it was just what he had done.

"Um… something like that, Seguchi-san said…"

"He talks a lot, and you know that. I don't give a damn about what he said. What are you DOING here?" Yuki asked again.

"Well, actually, I was thinking of that I may have to drag you back to the hospital, in case of you not want to move, but I see that that won't be necessary." Tatshua said, pointing to the fact that Yuki was perfectly moving and standing up. "The doctors are talking to Shuichi's family right now, and I think that you should be there to."

Yuki frowned and looked away.

"Why should I? I'm not his…"

"Yes you are. You are part of his family, his life. Don't try to reject it," the monk put a hand on his shoulder. "As I said, I… I think it's important that you'd be there to…"

"What?" Yuki stared at his brother and now saw that the monk's face was very worried. "What are you talking about?"

Tatshua hesitated before answering.

"I don't know if you ever heard it, but the doctors said before that Shuichi is missing blood and may not live the night… and… well, they still don't have any blood to give him. There is very little hope at this point…"

Yuki stared at him another additional seconds before turning around and heading for the bedroom door.

"Nii-san? You alright?" Tatshua looked after him. Yuki didn't answer as he disappeared into the room. He came out again rapidly and went for the apartment door.

"Nii-san…?"

"No, of course I'm not alright, you idiot!" Yuki snapped at his brother. "I'm coming with you," the blonde man said angrily. "Happy?"

-

End chapter 3... Ne ne? What do you think? I am so sorry for not updating but I have tons of schoolwork... - So, at least here is another chapter. This is not finished in a loon time. There are lot of chapters to go. XP The plot is still fresh. )

Reviews are wooved. 3


	4. Thoughts

Heeeellooo! ; Sorry for the long wait, but now this story is up and running again. And you know what? I made an ending! I finally finished it! XP It's all thanks to someone that mailed me and complained about the lack of chapters. So, now I will be putting up chapter 4 & 5. Chapter 6 is yet to be edited.

Thanks for reading. Enjoy.

/Cesia

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**Chapter 4**

At the brink of death. That was were Shuichi was right now. Hiro hadn't left the hospital ever since he came and that was one day and a little into the night. Somewhere at the afternoon, Shuichi's parents had arrived, hesitantly. They had soon after that been faced with meeting Yuki, not being very happy with it. After all, Yuki was their son's "BOYFRIEND". The shock of hearing that from the beginning was not gone yet.

However, Yuki had placed a professional façade upon his feelings and started to talk to the Shindou-couple in a polite and proper way. He had earned their respect after some time, although, Shuichi's father was still a bit hesitant.

Yuki was still talking, Hiro noticed, as he could hear low voices emanating from under the door to the other room.

Everybody else from NG-Records and the Bad Luck team had gone home several hours ago. Only Hiro remained, seated on a chair beside the singer's bed.

Shuichi was, and had always been, his very best friend since they were small. Sure, Shu was always the whiny, over-energic and happy one, while Hiro was the top grade student and the person to help Shu get out of trouble now and then. Everything from schoolstuff to girlproblems. Well, the girlproblems were no more at least.

This… was just too awkward to be happening. This wasn't Shu, lying like that.

Suddenly, the door to the other room opened and Yuki and Shiuchi's parents came in.

"Oh, Hiro-kun? Are you still here? You can go home if you want to. You must be tired," Shuichi's mother said softly with a gentle smile. Hiro looked up at her and then down at the floor again.

"No… I'd rather stay here," he mumbled.

"You know… if you want, you can sleep on the sofa in the other room. I can go and aske the nurse for some blankets," Shuichi's mother said and went out the door. Hiro nodded gratefully.

Yuki had gone over to the window and was looking out at the lights from the city. It was already dark outside and long past 22.00.

"Well then, Yuki-san," Shuichi's father spoke up. "We'll be sure to leave you to the rest of the night and the following day? We old people need to rest and this takes a lot from us."

Yuki turned and nodded.

"Yes, don't worry. I will. And I guess that Hiro-kun here will be able to help is that is the case." He looked down at the guitarst who nodded. Then he averted his eyes to Shuichi's father again. "I'll be sure to give you a call if something happens."

Hiro stood as Shuichi's mother re-entered the room.

"Here you go, Hiro-kun, Yuki-san." She handed out the blankets. "I hope you can get some sleep at least." She turned to Yuki and bowed lightly. "Thank you very much for doing this. We should get going home now. I think I need to take care of Shuichi's little sister. She is totally heartbroken, the poor thing."

Yuki nodded and Shuichi's parents went out the door.

Hiro looked at Yuki.

"I'll go get some sleep," he said simply, headed into the other room and closed the door behind him.

------

Yuki went over to the bed. Shuichi was wearing that pained face. It was hard to look at him like that, all quiet and shut. Slowly, Yuki slid down on the chair by the bed.

"Brat…" he said, near to tears. "You… you…" he silently took Shuichi's hand in his own, caressing the numb fingers.

The singer's hand was cold as ice.

Yuki paled. This was not right. It could not possibly be! Hastily, he bent over to Shuichi's face to feel if there was any breath. At first, he panicked, because he couldn't notice any life at all from the boy. Then, after a short time he could distinguish faint puffs of air slipping past the singer's lips. But they were weak. Really weak.

Yuki pressed the button to call for the doctor. A nurse entered.

"Yes?" she asked, looking a bit tired.

"Shouldn't he be in a respirator?" Yuki asked, anger and worry creeping into his voice. "his breathing is too slow and weak!"

The nurse was by the bed in an instant and checked on Shuichi's breathing, then she looked at the monitor.

"God, you are right! I'll go get the doctor right away!" And she ran out of the room.

------

The doctor checked the monitors one last time before looking down at Shuichi.

"Well, it should be okay for now... but I am afraid I have to say that we can't keep him alive much longer with only a respirator. We need to have compatible blood so he can get a transfusion."

"Then where the heck is this blood!" Yuki shouted, enraged. "I'm tired of hearing about this blood that you don't have!"

"Well, we have to find a fast driver to retrieve it, all our ambulance personal are busy. I don't know what we can do." The doctor said and sighed. "There is nobody available."

"Yes there is! I'll do it!" Hiro stood in the doorway with a stern face. "I'll do it. Where am I to get it?"

The doctor stared at him for a while.

"Now, wait a minute," he said. "Who said that we would let you do it? You are not educated in this matter. Do you know how to handle transportation of medical vares?"

Hiro walked forward and locked eyes with the doctor.

"I said, I'll do it! You don't have anyone else, right? I won't let Shuichi die just because you solely wanted to put your trust into some fucking education. Got that? I can handle it." His voice was sharp and hard. The doctor looked at him searchingly and then nodded.

"Okey. I understand. Since we don't have anyone else…" he walked out the door. "Follow me and I'll give you instructions."

------

Now they waited. Hiro had been gone on his motorcycle in five minutes after he received all information he needed.

Shuichi was breathing heavily through his coma and his face was almost white. Yuki sat by his side, face twisted in worry and regret. Yes, he regretted that he had come home so late he did that night he found the singer's self-molested body. Shuichi had even looked the door.

"If I only hadn't talked that much to the editor…" he silently cursed himself. And further more, he cursed Tohma, since the blonde man had been the one to tell him to visit the editor.

"If I turn off my cell phone and don't answer at the home phone, that means I wan't privacy!" he gritted his teeth at the thought. But that hadn't been the case. Tohma had been slightly worried and had come straight home to Yuki. When he found the novelist typing away at his laptop, he had just left the message to him from the editor.

Shuichi hadn't said anything about Yuki going away, he had just watched the gold-blonde man as he gathered some writing materials in a hurry.

"You didn't complain at all…" Yuki remembered now. "You just asked me how long I was going to be gone. You didn't even ask where I was going to…"

Yuki lifted his head in fear as he stared at Shuichi and realization dawned on him. Had Shuichi planned it? Had he just waited for the right moment when nobody would be home? When no one would be there to stop him? It couldn't be!

Yuki's grip on the singer's hand tightened and his face took on the colour of pale white.

That meant that Shuichi really wanted to die. And Yuki was partly guilty for that. The way he treated his lover wasn't really 'lovingly' if he would put it in that perspective. It was outright cruel.

But Yuki couldn't help it. It was in his nature to be cold and harsh. That was the way his childhood had treated him and that was what he had become.

He closed his eyes at the memory of all the taunts and insults he'd flung in the face of his lover.

"I should be thanking you a thousand fold, Shu… you never cringed of took in those insults. You loved me and cared for me despite the evil remarks I threw your way. You accepted me for whom I was…" he said down to the angelic face of his pink-haired baka.

Then, it had been Aizawa's actions that had pulled the trigger and destroyed Shuichi's stronghold. It had left his pride and feelings of worth crawling amongst the dirt and dust on the ground. Shuichi's soul had been overridden, filled with guilt. Guilt for being a nuisance to Yuki. Guilt for all the trouble he had gotten into. Guilt for existing.

Yuki saw down at Shuichi with a more and more saddened face. He wanted Shuichi to wake up now, so that he could hear Yuki tell him he was sorry. Hear him say he really loved him.

But Shuichi still lay motionless and Yuki sighed. He was getting tired, his wristwatch slowly ticking it's way onto early morning. With a stifled yawn, Yuki let his head rest on top of his hands holding Shuichi's small hand on the side of the bed.

------

The clock was 05:00 in the morning when Shuichi's heart started beating irregularly. Yuki had fallen asleep with his hands still clenching his lover's. He woke to the sound of the monitor beeping loudly.

"No…" He rose to his feet and stared at the pulse-reading. It was going up and down in an unsteady pace. "you can't die now!" He hastily kneeled down by the bed, stroking Shuichi's hair. "Please! Don't die on me now!" he yelled as the monitor kept beeping, alarming him.

"Doctor!" he called and pressed the emergency button several times.

TBC…


	5. Still not relieved

**Chapter 5**

Hiro got off his motorbike at the hospital parking lot, carrying a medical box containing the precious blood that Shuichi needed. Hastily he made his way into the lobby of the hospital where two nurses awaited him to receive the box.

"Nakano-san! Over here, I'll take it!" one of the nurses said and Hiro handed the box to her. She ran away with it and the other nurse motioned to Hiro to follow her.

"This way. Good work, now we will handle the rest."

She led him into a corridor and to a waiting room at the end.

"Please wait here. We will begin the transfusion immediately and we will pass trough here with him first," she said and disappeared into another corridor.

Hiro, who hadn't been saying anything at all, sat down in a chair to wait.

"Yuki-san, we have the resources needed to commence the transfusion. Would you like to wait or do you want to be with him?" the doctor asked as he and a few nurses prepared Shuichi for moving his bed.

"I'd like to be with him…" Yuki said and clenched his lover's hand.

The doctor nodded and then they started to roll the bed out of the room, Yuki following.

They went trough the waiting room where Hiro was and he rose to his feet as he saw them coming.

"Is he going to make it?" he asked worriedly and looked at Shuichi's pale face.

"Yes, Nakano-san, he will most likely survive. Thanks to you being as quick as you were." The doctor smiled at Hiro who let out a relieved huff. Yuki turned to look at the guitarist.

"You want to come?" he asked and looked away again. Hiro shook his head.

"No, you are more suited for that, Yuki-san. I'll wait out here." He sat down and looked at them as they proceeded into another room with Shuichi.

'Please Shuichi, you have to make it,' the guitarist thought to himself.

_Shuichi had seen when Yuki had entered the bathroom just before he passed out. He had seen the expression of surprise and horror at the writer's face, and then he had been floating in darkness for a long time. He wondered if this was death. Why was it so empty? So silent…?_

_He had heard stories of afterlife worlds and sights. Like a white light through a tunnel, but he had seen nothing of such a thing. At times, he had heard voices, among them Yuki's voice. And then it had been quiet. Suddenly, he had heard sobbing and crying. But he couldn't place whether it was real or something in his dreams, because it was Yuki's voice doing that. But he couldn't be crying for Shuichi, now, could he? _

_Then he had felt like something big and heavy teared at his heart and he had gotten trouble breathing. It eased off after a moment though, as he heard concerned talking and felt as something was placed over his mouth, covering it. That had given him fresh air to breathe. After that, the darkness had taken him over completely again as all the sounds where shut out._

_Right now, he could hear the voices again. They were discussing something about his blood, and how he lacked too much of it._

_After a while, he could suddenly feel as if new life were flowing through his body. His veins were on fire and he gasped softly.  
_

"Shuichi?" Yuki felt his heart jump when the singer let out a small gasp as the transfusion began.

Shuichi's head moved and he sighed and settled back into his unknown dreams. Yuki looked up at the doctor who gave him a reassuring nod.

"It's working fine. We should be finished in about half an hour from now. I see no problems so far."

Yuki let out a sigh of long wanted relief and let his gaze fall back onto Shuichi's face. The youth wasn't that pale anymore and his face looked somehow healthier.

_One hour later_

Shuichi was now back in his hospital room, this time without the respirator. The doctor stood beside the bed, checking the singer's pulse and then he nodded.

"Everything is okay now. You can try to wake him if you like, but I suggest that you leave it to him to wake on his own accord," he said to Yuki and Hiro. "I'll leave you alone for a while now. Any complications and you should get me here. Tell me when he awakens." With that, the doctor was gone out in the corridor, closing the door behind him.

In a mutual agreement, Yuki and Hiro just sat and watched Shuichi, waiting.

Suddenly, a moan escaped Shuichi's mouth as he slowly came to. Without opening his eyes he struggled to move his arm, positioning it over his face.

"Oooow… my head…" It was a whisper, barely audible, and his voice was ragged by the drieness in his throat and mouth.

"Shuichi!" Hiro gave a relieved laugh and stood up. Shuichi slowly turned his head in Hiro's direction, hie eyes wide.

"Hiro…" He looked confused. "Where… where am I?" He croaked out the words.

"You are in the hospital, you little brat!" Yuki's voice was heard and Shuichi jerked his head in the other direction.

"Yu… Yuki…" Shuichi breathed in awe, wonder in his eyes when he saw the novelist looking down at him.

"I'll leave the rest to you Yuki-san," Hiro said with a smile. "I'll be going home now."

Yuki nodded, still looking down at Shuichi with a stern face. Hiro gave Shuichi a smile before gathering his stuff together and going out the door.

When they were alone, Shuichi frowned and turned his head away from Yuki.

"Shuichi, I know you will hate this, but why? Why did you do it?" Yuki asked, making a frustrated gesture with his arm and then drawing his hand through his hair. "You know that this was fucking stupid to do! Why?"

Shuichi just _knew_ that he was going to ask that. he turned to look at Yuki again.

Yuki winced at what he saw. Shuichi's violet eyes held a self-abhorrence that frightened the novelist to no end. Why did Shuichi hate himself so much?

"Shuichi…" Yuki grabbed the singer's hand gently. "I… don't understand it that easy. I know… I know I might be harsh and cold sometimes… but… Oh, why Shuichi? Why!"

Shuichi felt his body shiver slightly.

"I don't deserve to live…" he said quietly. "I'm just being a nuisance to everybody and to you, Yuki…" Again, he was to turn his head away again when Yuki stopped him by bending down and catching his mouth in a feverish kiss. Shuichi's eyes widened as tears were forming in them and he tensed.

"Yuki…" he mumbled against the writer's lips, and he began to sob, unable to control the shivers that ran through his body.

Without a word, Yuki broke the kiss and lifted Shuichi off the bed, cradling him into his lap.  
"Ssh… It's okay, I'm here," he said, soothing the boy, nuzzled his hair, running a hand over the quaking back of the trembling singer. "Don't cry, I'm here. Everything is going to be alright…"

Shuichi bawled like a baby and rested his head at Yuki's chest, gripping his shirt in his hands tightly.

Yuki looked down at the crying teenager and felt how a protectiveness that he earlier had repressed now rose in his heart towards the boy.

"My Shuichi…" he said gently. "I was so afraid of loosing you."

Shuichi looked up at Yuki, tears streaming down his face.

"Why do you care!" he asked desperately, his eyes filled with despair. "You never care!" He looked down and let more sobs come out of his mouth, his body still shivering.

Yuki stared.

"Baka. I _do_ care. Don't think otherwise," he said as he drew his hand through Shuichi's hair and then bent down to kiss him again. Then he broke it and smiled at the singer.

"Now, the doctor is going to do a check-up on you," he said as he lay Shuichi back on the bed. "So I'm going to get him. You just stay put." He leaned down and planted a kiss on Shuichi's forehead. "I'll be right back," he said as he headed out the door.

Shuichi let his head slump back against the soft pillow. He was confused. How come wasn't dead? How come he was safe and sound in a hospital? He wanted to be dead. That was at least until a few moments ago and now…? Well, he wasn't that sure anymore.

After a short while, Yuki returned with a man in a white coat. 'The doctor', Shuichi thought.

"Well, this is a good sight. How are you feeling, Shindou-kun?" the doctor asked while he was looking at the monitors.

"I'm… fine…" the singer said silently. He looked at Yuki and saw how the novelist twisted at Shuichi's answer. Yuki knew that Shuichi was lying. Emotionally, Shuichi was a wreck. Literally speaking.

"Do you want to go home?" the doctor asked, taking a timing on Shuichi's pulse. "You shouldn't have anything to worry about. Your pulse is back to normal and you look much better."

Shuichi just nodded at that. He didn't feel like speaking at all. He knew he had to be grateful to the doctor for taking care of him, but he couldn't say anything.

"Okay. I'd like to run a more throughout check-up on you and then you are free to go. Is that alright with you?" his last words were addressed to Yuki who stood beside him. Yuki nodded and put his hands in his pockets.

"Yes, I'll be the one driving him home, so don't worry."

After the check-up, Yuki presented Shuichi with some clean clothes that were Yuki's own.

"Get dressed. I'll make you dinner when we get home. Anything special you'd like?" He looked at his lover and forced out a smile despite the worry he felt for the teenager.

Shuichi slowly pulled the white sweatshirt over his head and looked down at the floor.

"I'm not hungry…" he mumbled as he put on Yuki's a little too long pants. "Don't waste your cooking on me."

Yuki frowned. This wasn't a good mood. He would need to get Shuichi out of his misery before he did anything more dangerous.

"Not hungry? You've been out for about 24 hours and you say that you aren't hungry? You're lying." He gave Shuichi a lovingly ruffle around his hair. "Then, since you don't say anything about food, I'll guess I'll make it a surprise for you…" He turned and offered Shuichi his hand. "Shall we go?"

Shuichi silently slid his small hand into Yuki's and was lead out the door.

**TCB…**


	6. Infomercial

Well, regarding the matter of Deepest Wounds; it will shortly be removed from this archive for a thorough re-writing. In other words, it was written a fairly long time ago, and my views on both English and Gravitation have since changed. Quite dramatically, at that. It might be a while, given partly that characters from my original would-be epic "Phantom Reality" are currently occupying my brain, partly that my Holy Master to whom I pledge my soul and all my future income, better known as my beta-reader, is a bitch. Insert screaming beta-reader clinging to my person in a failing attempt to rip my heart out here.

Furthermore, I will not suffer bearing with this ugly name any longer and thus this account will be left alone as fast as Deepest Wounds is done. Should you be intelligent enough to read my later, more sophisticated works, please feel free to visit my new account, for which I will use the name Fi Ryuu.

Thank you for your time.

/Viriel


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